Gravitational Potential

It rained.

She was texting about four million people people. Even a call now and then in between. She lay on her bed, relaxed on her stomach, feet kicked up in the air. Just as she had done when playing with her toys as a child. A book lay in front of her, as it always did. Though now it had changed from an Enid Blyton to a Chitra Divakaruni. Everything seemed ‘complicated’. A ‘breakup’ was never easy, but she managed to ‘supress her emotions’. At least for that evening. I guess it still hadn’t sunk in. The ‘alone’ feeling would come late at night, in solitude, as she retired for the evening. Her tears on those sheets, so many…

She realised it was 11:50, and changed into her ladybird pajamas. She walked out onto the balcony. Punk rock music blasting in her ears, she let one headphone dangle carelessly.The aroma of damp earth combined with the melodious, almost harmonious sound of droplets caressing the earth soothed her, and somehow left her feeling refreshed. Renewed.

She leaned against the doorway, tapping her feet to Fiction Plane. Her mother gently out a hand on her shoulder and softly said, “its midnight, sweetheart. I think you should get to bed.” 

She realised life wouldn’t always be negatively torrential. As she walked into the quiet darkness of the hallway, she turned off her phone and resolved to get a good night’s sleep. At the risk of sounding cliched, she reminded herself that tomorrow would be brimming with new opportunities and decisions to make. She snuggled up to her kitten and slowly drifted off to a place of peace and serenity that would only be disrupted after a week or so, leaving her, a teenager, potentially worryless.

It rained. 

A moonlit night

It was almost a bit too cliché

But, what did they care?  

The sandy shore stretched for miles

A grey, melancholy abyss of nothingness (Well, she always was a bit too cynical)  

They brought colour to each other; their lives, in fact

Meticulously intertwined; fate, destiny, mentally, and right there

Their movements were slow; as the earth leisurely spinning  

Of course in that typical manner, time stopped for them;

Time together was precious;

But, they hardly wasted it;  

It was a time, they would, in their own spheres of life

Bring up again and again, their past haunting  

She wished this had never come to mind (repression)

He remembered exactly the way they felt

His arms protectively around her

Dancing to the sound of crashing waves  

Was it love?

He sighed.

“I doubt it,” she whispered, yet her soul screamed.

“That moment…it sort of changed our lives”  

As the sound of crashing waves drowned out the last of her cries

And diluted his emotions. 

Disclaimer: Only continue reading if you are willing to spend a moment of your ife tht you will never get back.

I made up my mind that from today, whenever i am faced with a host of things to do, i am going to think of each one separately. Which one is most important? Which one is more beneficial? Which one is going to have a greater impact on my life?

Im hoping this will help. I hope i am not going to just write this down and forget about it. I hope that someone is going to actually read it. I hope that someone will stop for just one second and wonder what this is about, dedicating a miniscule(yet highly valuable and impressionable)moment of their life to what i have just taken the time out to write, hoping i can figure out whether i have made the right decision; or yet again, failed.

“I-i-…um.. well, i- err.”

Our new class teacher has ‘public speaking practice’ every friday. as she announced it, i fretted the day i would be picked. then she announced the second part. ‘Its completely voluntary. If you are forced to do these sort of things, they just never go well.’ We had to go up and talk for 5 minutes about anything. about whatever we wanted to talk about. we just had to ‘express our inner thoughts and feelings’.

Esha gave me a glance that said, ‘go ahead, just remember what you told us.’ That didn’t help when i was on the teachers platform at a loss for words and fumbling. the class began to get impatient. my teacher told me not to get so frustrated, it was just 40 people who i knew, they weren’t even going to judge what i said.

“We-…i—um. (deep breath) I’ve often wondered what my life would be if i never met the people i did.” That came out in a hurry. Avan mouthed ‘slowly’.)

“If i never met Germaine(Yo whispers, “i knew she was going to mention her”) i would have never had the guts to go on stage and perform infront of a bunch of people i didn’t know. i would have never discovered i could (somewhat) carry a tune. i would have never known i could be there for someone and actually give them advice when they were in tears thinking that they could never smile again. i wouldn’t have thought anyone wanted me to stand up and fight on their side. 

I wouldn’t have gone and tried out for badminton selections(though i was just a reserve, it was the most amazing thing to be selected for SOMETHING!) or elocution, for which i am representing my house in a week(Yo, Anuka and Anushka make eye contact with me and we all smile simultaneously) if my friends never egged me on, forced me to ‘just try’ and convinced me i wouldn’t make a fool of myself(even if i did they would say ‘you’re good, shes just better, but don’t worry, nobodys good at everything’). 

If my cousin never convinced me I COULD pick up guitar, and Adrij didn’t remind me that she’d be with me all the way, or copy the address and number into my book before i could ask, i wouldn’t be starting guitar lessons in a month (after my exams) or going at the same time as Adrij goes for mandolin.

I wouldn’t even be up here talking, because not only would i have nothing to talk about, i wouldn’t have the strength to walk to the head of the class and speak up, because nobody would have advised me, ‘your thoughts, every little one, can change someone’s mentality, or make an impact on somebody; each thought of yours is important. value them. if you let out the right one at the right time, you could change the universe.’

So, my message is simply, the next time someone you know says, ‘i could never do that.’ ‘its WAY to difficult.’ ‘people would think im an idiot for trying out for that.’ tell that person to go ahead. tell that person they can. even if YOU think its impossible. tell them to make an attempt. it could change their life in some small way; but as you see, my life is full of these small changes. as i thought of them before i came up here, i realise these are the things that make my life so much better. so much less boring. these things make it impossible for me to feel depressed or unworthy. 

I hope i have got my point across to you, and that you can in your own way get it across to others. thankyou”

I finish it with a smile and a high five to my friends as i walk back to my seat. they are all clapping and smiling. my class teacher smiles as well. my day proceeds as normal, full of chattering, laughter and fun.”